FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your post? 

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting. 

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? 

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. 

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? 

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers! 

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one...... are you?

Are you in tune? 

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" 

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. 

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. 

He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." 

The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." 

The wife's face goes blank. 

"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." 

Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the husband says, 

"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!!!!

Since your a WHORE, this is what you get: 

A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?" His nervous reply was, "Er, I, uh, masturbated with them." Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?" "Yeah, once or twice," he told her. "You mean you've actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked. "Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN? For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten his own peril, and each passenger stares with riveted eyes at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. This man is gorgeous, tall, built, long flowing black hair, jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches toward the trembling woman and extends the arm holding his shirt and whispers, "Iron this."