|
| |
Corporate lesson 1
-----------------------------------------
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower
when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go
and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel
and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she
says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you
have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front
of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but
excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes
back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was
that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband
says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and
risk in Time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
-----------------------------------------
Corporate lesson 2
------------------------------------------
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and
offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had
an accident. After controlling the car, he stealth fully slid his hand up her
leg.
The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The
priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his
hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while
changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving
at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her
way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and
looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a
great opportunity!
------------------------------------------
Corporate Lesson 3
------------------------------------------
Usually the staff of the company play football. The middle level managers are
more interested in Tennis. The top management usually has a preference for Golf.
Finding: As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size. Another
good lesson!!
-------------------------------
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when
they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of
smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of
you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In
astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina
coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie
says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch." Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.
10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS
BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
3. Jesus was not White.
4. Skinny does not equal sexy.
5. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
6. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
7. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
8. An occasional ass whooping helps a child stay in line .
9. Kissing your pet is not cute.
10. Rap music is here to stay.
10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS WHITE PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Tupac is dead.
2. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
3. Having a ring on every finger is too much.
4. O.J. did it
5. Teeth should not be decorated.
6. Breaks are usually only 15 minutes.
7. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
8. RED is not a kool-aid flavor (it's a color).
9. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
10. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
10 THINGS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW BUT SPANISH PEOPLE DON'T ADMIT:
1. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
2. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies .
3. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
4. Hickey's are unattractive.
5. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
6. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
7. 10 people to a car or home is considered too many.
8. Jesus is not a name for your son
9. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store can get your ass whooped
(or theirs).
There's
this fine lady that shops at this store everyday , the owner has been wanting to
nail her for such a long time, so he goes up to her and drops 10 dollars on the
floor and says to her you can keep the 10 dollars if you pick it up before
i fuck you.
She gets
so pissed and slaps him across the face. She like how you dare insult me
like that what the fuck do you think i am
She goes home and explains the
the story to her husband and he thinks for a
second.
You know we can actually make
a lot of money off this guy he says to his wife.
Its not a bad idea.
So the next day
she gets all dressed up and puts on her make up to
go to the store. She goes up to the owner and says you got a deal.
30 minutes later she goes home
to her husband and her clothes are all fucked up, her make up got all messy.
Her husband says what the fuck
happened??
"that
mother fucker threw 10 dollars in change on the floor"
|
