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Pop Quiz Trivia
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred
and Wilma Flintstone.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
Smartest dogs: 1) Scottish border collie; 2) Poodle; 3) Golden retriever.
Dumbest: Afghan hound.
Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad
served in first class: $40,000
City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% Percentage of North America that is
wilderness: 38%
Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and in lived in China in 1910.
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.
First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is
uncopyrightable.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.
Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
Things You Don't Want
to Hear During Surgery
- OOPS !!
- I wonder what this does!
- Hand me the saw someone!
- Did he say the right or left leg?
- It is now out of my hands...Nurse, could you grab it? It's over there behind
the keg.
- I'd feel a lot better about this if the dotted lines were pre-drawn like back
at night school.
- Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie.
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
- Rats, there go the lights again...
- "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys and this guy's got two of 'em."
- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens.
- Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
- What's this doing here?
- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
- I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
- Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
- What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!
- Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
- And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
- OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
- This patient has already had kids, am I correct ?
- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card ?
- Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
- She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!
- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out !
- Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing !
- Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.
- What do you mean you want a divorce ?
Akmed came to the
United States from Afghanistan, and he was only here a few months when he became
very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.
Finally, he went to an Arab doctor. The doctor said, "Take dees bocket, go into
de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down
over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes." Akmed took the bucket,
went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and
breathed in the fumes for ten minutes. Coming back to the doctor he said, "It
worked. I feel terrific! "What was wrong with me?" The doctor said, "You were
homesick."
CHRISTMAS VS.
CHANUKAH...
1. Christmas is one day, same day every year: December 25. Jews also love
December 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for
Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of
the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know
until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a
calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided
free with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher,
or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida) or other Jewish
funeral home.
2. Christmas is a
major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same
theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat.
3. Christians get
wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos... Jews get practical
presents such as underwear, socks, or the collected works of the Rambam, which
looks impressive on the bookshelf.
4. There is only one
way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how to spell Chanukah; Chanukah,
Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah.
5. Christmas is a
time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect
special gifts. Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond
ring on Chanukah.
6. Christmas brings
enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared
enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the
energy crisis.
7. Christmas carols
are beautiful. Silent Night, Come O Ye Faithful.... Chanukah songs are about
dreidels made from clay or having a party and dancing the horah. Of course, we
are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written
by our tribal brethren. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them
beautifully?
8.
A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and
cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods. A home
preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes, and onions. The home, as always,
is full of loud people all talking at once.
9. Women have fun
baking Christmas cookies. Women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating
potatoes and onions for latkas on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering
through the ages.
10. Parents deliver
to their children during Christmas. Jewish parents have no qualms about
withholding a gift on any of the eight nights.
11. The players in
the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph, and
Jesus. The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah Maccabee, and
Matta whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can
tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our
history.
12. Many Christians
believe in the virgin birth. Jews think, "Joseph, Bubela, snap out of it. Your
woman is pregnant, you didn't sleep with her, and now you want to blame G-d.
Here's the number of my shrink".
13. In recent years,
Christmas has become more and more commercialized. The same holds true for
Chanukah, even though it is a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market
a major holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating. Think observing.
Come to synagogue, starve yourself for 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated
soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, a guaranteed good time for you and
your family. Tickets a mere $200 per person. Better stick with Chanukah!
NEW BUSINESS......
Mendel Kravitz opens a new business and wants an
international staff. So he hires Klaus, a German, Paddy, an
Irishman, and Wu, a Chinese.
"Klaus," says Mendel, "I'm putting you in charge of
production. I want you to make things efficient around here.
And Paddy, you will be in charge of personnel. Make sure the
morale stays good.
And Wu," he says to the Chinese, "I am putting you in charge
of supplies."
A couple of weeks later, Mendel is touring the business and
finds Klaus and Paddy together.
"Everything is going smoothly?"
"Ja!" says Klaus. "Production is up double."
"Everyone is getting on great," says Paddy. "People are all
liking each other."
"How is Wu doing in supplies?" asks Mendel.
But neither of them have seen Wu since the first day. Mendel
starts to get worried and looks all through the factory. As
he is walking between some large stacks of boxes, suddenly
out leaps Wu shouting, "SUPLISE! SUPLISE!"
This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife says, "Where are you going?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Are you sick?" "No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of
those new Viagra pills."
So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat.
He said," Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He said, "why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing I'm going
to get a tetanus shot.
READ BEFORE SCROLLING DOWN
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde
came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other,
and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied,
"You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I lost it and
need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the blonde a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to
draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of
it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up
and asked, "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of
course, its right there."
Now look.
1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed
to shit on her chest. (A.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking
off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else. Pretty popular with
the Acura-cl crowd from what i hear. i kid i kid.
3. Western Grip- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is
facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western.
4. The Blumpkin- You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves
having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum,
sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head.
This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must
be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports)
7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a
girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty ass chick and
you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is
wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the
situation. Can be very painful.
9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you
withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a
lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.
10. The Flying Camel - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her
from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop
yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking
howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.
11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the
pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
12. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her
head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow
for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about
to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a
punch and smear the blood and cum together.
14. Jelly Dougnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch her
in the nose while you are getting head.
15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap the head of
your cock on her forehead.
16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your
nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping
a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is forced to basically
chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jell-O,
olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison.
18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use of the tongue.
19. The Bucking Bronco- You start by going doggy style on a girl and then just
when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as
possible and say her sister/friend/mother is a better fuck. More than likely,
she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she
tries to buck you off.
20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet
enough. When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to
your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having
her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible
before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and
tits.
22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down,
you puke on her box. Happy trails.
23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone
doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out,
wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look
like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.
24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you
are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see
what the hell you are doing.
25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just
happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the
whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane
between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets
lodged in your throat and causes a nice gag reflex.
27. The ChiliDog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty
fuck her.
28. Gaylord Perry: Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps.
Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple knuckles on that
virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either on one finger or on
multiple).
29. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from behind (while both
partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is
bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that you end up pushing
her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much
fun to have her trip on her face on the floor. You become an Admiral when you
can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your
hands to grab onto her hips.
30. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head.
31. Snowmobile: When getting a girl while she's on all fours, sweep out her arms
so she falls on her face.
32. Dutch Oven: Whenever you bust ass while in the sack pull the covers over
both of your head so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well.
33. The Angry Dragon: Immediately after blowing a load in the girl's mouth,
smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she
should look like an angry dragon
34. Tea bag: As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your scrotum in
and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old
favorite.
35. Houdini: When you’re doing a girl doggy style, then you fake an orgasm (spit
on her back). When she turns around, blow your load in her face and say,
“Abracadabra!”.
36. Spicey Stanley: When a girl takes hot sauce and pours it on your cock. She
then proceeds to give you a blowjob, making sure all of the hot sauce is gone.
37. Sleeping Bag: If you're going down on a really fat girl, you pull her
enormous stomach roll of fat over your head.
38. Stuffucking: The act of "stuffing in" your limp, helpless member in hopes of
getting it up. Potential causes: you're too drunk or she's too ugly.
39. Tony Danza: A takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony Danza. When you
are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say "who's the boss?" and
stick it in her ass. Before she says anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch
her in the back of the head.
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