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****For you non-Persians I have
included translations for your better understanding****
SIGNS OF POSSIBLE PERSIANITY:
If you have lived in this country all your life, but
you still talk about the revolution as if you were
there. (THE REVOLUTION IS WHEN A BIG FLOCK OF PERSIANS
MIGRATED TO THE UNITED STATES)
If you leave your house at the exact time that the
event you're going to is supposed to start, no matter
how far you live from the place. (USUALLY KNOWN AS
*PST*: Persian Standard Time)
If you talk with your friends on your cell phone
while you are still able to see them in the distance.
If you use your cell phone to tell your friend that
you are outside of his house to pick him up.
If you have Thanksgiving dinner with "berenj"(RICE),
and "khoresht."(STEW) * RICE IS USUALLY ACCOMPANIED BY
STEW*
If your mother fishes for compliments after the
dinner, proclaiming to everyone that the
"berenj"(RICE) and "khoresht"(STEW) needed more
"namak."(SALT) *(ONLY APPLIES TO THE MOTHERS WHO COOK,
SOME MOTHERS HAVE THEIR MAIDES COOK FOR THEM AFTER
THEY HAVE TAUGHT THEM HOW)*
If after a family meal, there is a fight to the death
over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on
their behinds and play cards, waiting for their tea.
If you are so anxious to watch the Iranian show on
Sundays, you are willing to sit through 5 minutes of
Korean game shows so you don't miss the beginning.
(THIS ONLY APPLIES TO THE ADULTS)
If you call everyone you know as soon as there is an
American nightly news show doing a story about Iran or
someone from Iran.
If you have your own "beeziness"(BUSINESS) yet you
have never seen a 1040 tax form.
If you have your own "beeziness"(BUSINESS) yet you
are a "doaktor"(DOCTOR), or a "mohandess". (Sorry, I
could not come up with a translation.)
If you come to this country every few months to pick
up your social security checks yet you don’t speak a
word of English, and you have never actually worked in
this country.
(THIS ONLY APPLIES TO THE FOB's: Fresh Off the Boat)
If your child is "Shagerd-eh avall"(#1 STUDENT) in
his school.
(This applies only to the boys. The girls know that
they are going to get married and live off of their
husband’s money, no matter how old he may be, as long
as he can buy her Gucci products.)
If you spend your life savings on a BMW, a Mercedes
Benz, or any other expensive car just so you can seem
rich to other Persians. If you study at UCI
(University of Cherah Injah-hastam) (UNIVERSITY OF WHY
AM I HERE) and you complain to your friends in Farsi
about how the Asians never speak English.
PERSIAN SAYINGS & THEIR TRANSLATIONS
My father came out, and I will take out your
father! (Pedareh man daar aamad, va pedareh to ra ham dar meearam!)
His head is playing with his tail! (Saaresh ba dombesh bazy meekoneh!)
Take away the person that washes your dead body! (Moordeh Shoor-et-ro bebaran!)
My veins and roots came out! (Rag va reesham dar aamad!
Poison of snake! (Zahr-e-maar!)
Dirt on your head! (Khaak bar saret!)
Disease! (Maraz!)
What does he think? Is he thinking he has fallen out of the elephant's butt?!!!
(Chee fekr kardeh? Fekr meekoneh as koon-e-feel oftadeh?!)
You can't ride a camel underground! (Shotoor savary zeer-e-zamin nemeesheh!)
Dropping worms! (Kerm reekhtan!)
I wanted to see who my nosey person is! (Meekhastam bebeenam foozoolam keeeh?!)
The cat's witness is its tail! (Shahed-e-goorbeh doombesh-e!)
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION
*Persian version*
Name:
______________
American name:
________________
Nick Name:
__________________
Religion: A) Muslim____ B)
Jew____
C) Ba'hai____ (skip rest of
app and learn to walk) D) Jew pretending to be
Muslim____
If female, indicate breast
implant size: ____
How many nose jobs
received____ (if Jewish round to nearest 10)
Will the size of your
implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
Yes ___ No ___
Will your nose interfere
with your blind spot? Yes___ No___
Occupation:
[] Lawyer
[] Doctor
[] Beeper/Cell Store
[] Own a gas station
[] Persian Restaurant Owner
[] Insurance Salesman
[] Computers
[] Car Dealer
[] Beekar
[] Wannabe Persian singer
which really sucks (Shahyad and Shahrum K)
[] Other; please explain:
______________
-Please indicate how many
times you expect to have sex in car:
-Please indicate what you
promised to buy these girls:
Please list:
Color of pager:
______________.
Brand of cell phone:
__________.
If you don't own a cell
phone, please explain.)
Please check hair color:
Females: [] FAKE Blonde []
Crazy Highlights [] Black
Teenagers: [] sides shaved
[] shaved head [] Too much hair to deal with
Men: [] Bald [] Fade
Please indicate how many
times:
Men:
a) You will scream jendeh or
Koskesh out of the car___
b) Will mistake an afghan or
an Armenian girl for a Persian girl and then gas it to hell___
c) Blast 2pac (if you live
in LA)____ blast black cats (if you live in OC)___
d) Get mad at zogals looking
at your Persian girlfriend___
Women:
a) Look at sias like they
were Tarzan____
b) Yell at your mom on the
cell phone that you are on your way home____
c) Be honked at because you
CANT drive____
d) Give out a fake number to
a Persian guy that is driving a cheap car___
Please indicate if you
drive:
a) Beamer, [ ] M3 [ ]
3.25 with an M3 sticker
b) Mercedes 420 model or
above
c) Are about to buy A or B
**If your answer is C,
please stop lying to yourself and get used to your 1991 Honda Civic**
License Plate:
[] Personalized
[] Not a Mercedes or Beamer
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