Quickeroos

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk; At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad, She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

A father and his son are walking the Manhattan streets when the father stops in front of a magnificent set of structures, takes a deep breath and tells his son that at one time this space was occupied by the Twin Towers.

Father says: "My dear son, the Twin Towers were two tremendously tall buildings with lots of offices that was the heart of the United States, but approx 31 years ago, several Arabs destroyed the buildings."

The boy then thought for a minute and then asked his father: "Daddy what are Arabs?"

What to do if you happen upon a peace rally by stupid naive hemp-shirt-wearing college idiots, to teach them why force is sometimes needed:

1) Approach dumb rich ignorant student talking about "peace" and saying there should be, "no retaliation."

4) Wait until he says something to the effect of, "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence."

6) When he gets back up to up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would, "be awful and he should not cause more violence."

Repeat steps 5 through 8 until they understand that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads hamburger: $1; cheeseburger: $2; hand job: $10. He beckons to an attractive blonde behind the counter. “Can I help you?” she asks with a knowing smile. “I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “Yes,” she purrs. “I am.” “Well, wash your hands,” he says. “I want a cheeseburger.”