A group of girlfriends went on vacation and saw a five-story hotel with a sign that read, "For Women Only." Since they were without their boyfriends, they decided to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors... go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside." So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind"... the friends laugh and, without hesitation, move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly." This wasn't going to do, so the friends move up to the third floor where the sign read, "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women." This was good, but there were still two more floors. On the fourth floor, the sign was perfect: "All the men here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight." The women seemed pleased, but they decide that they would rather see what the fifth floor had to offer before they settled for the fourth. When they reach the fifth floor, there is a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that it is impossible to please a woman."

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he  accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
  
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
  
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, this is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
  
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you   have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
  
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "I think she choked."

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite  of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.  He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of six?"
 

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. The doctor gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either!" and storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. The wife comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated doctor says "What took  you so long to answer the phone?"
 

She says, "I was in bed."
 

"In bed this late? Doing what?" he asked.
 

She replied, "Getting a second opinion."

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
 

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night -- whether you're here or not."